July 23, 2020

Foster Mom to Forever Mom


Going from a foster Mom to a forever Mom is not easy. Family planning is difficult but sometimes getting a divorce and moving to New England can help. Well, at least that is the case of Lucille.

For years Lucille wanted to adopt through foster care. Sadly, the timing was off and her husband at the time dragged his feet on the process. But in the fall of 2018, Lucille decided to make some big changes. She got a divorce and moved back to New England to be closure to family.

Answering the Call

Lucille’s sister had adopted a teenage boy through foster care. Because her sister is still licensed to foster, she received a call about an urgent placement. The placement was for an eight-year-old boy with autism. Lucille’s sister declined the placement but thought to pass the information along to Lucille. At this point, Lucille is just not ready but something tells her to look into. She recounts the events,

I told her that I was not even close to ready. I hadn’t even unpacked much less started the foster care training process. But something about this kid spoke to my heart and I followed up for more information. I met him and even though there wasn’t an instant strong connection, I intuitively felt he was the right kid for me.

There was a big urgency around his placement. Because it had been delayed so long that he would have to be put in the psychiatric facility if not placed soon. So DCYF pulled some strings and managed to get him placed with me only a few weeks after I first met him. They let me do all of the training after he had moved in. It took a few weeks for both of us to settle into the new situation but we were a good fit right from the start. After a few months, I totally fell in love with this amazing and unique kid.

Wanting the Best

With many foster to adoptions, it can take years. The goal of foster care is to reunite children with the biological families. However, in Lucille’s case, the entire process was unusual. The biological parents of her son sought to relinquish their parental rights. They wanted the best for their son and wanted to give him a chance to have a family who could meet his needs.

Lucille and her son’s biological parents have a great relationship. Even now her son’s biological parents remain in touch and visit.

I am also so grateful for the relationship we have with his biological parents. I know I’m so lucky to have such a positive relationship with them and that my son enjoys visits but he’s also very clear about wanting to come home with me. He generally does not get dysregulated or negatively stirred-up by visits so it’s been easy to maintain that connection.

Becoming a Foster Mom to Forever Mom

We asked Lucille about her favorite part of this process and she said,

The best experience is my relationship with my son. I find it to be a beautiful miracle that we are so well matched. I didn’t set out to adopt a kid with special needs and I had worked professionally with autistic children the past and didn’t feel a special calling to that form of care. But something magical happened with me and him, he fit into my skill set, my world, my parenting style and my heart perfectly.

Sharing Life with a Son

Starting a family is a huge shift. Especially, when you are a single parent. As foster Mom turned forever Mom Lucille’s entire life has transformed. She shares,

My world has changed so much. I went from being a 40-year-old single woman. Who had never had children to being a single mother of an amazing special needs kid. I feel like there were parts of me that were always meant for being a mother and I had applied them to various other things in my life but when I got my son, they clicked into their true purpose and it felt so joyful and relaxing. I love sharing my life with my son and helping him to grow into all that he’s capable of.

Leaning on a Good Support System

We asked Lucille if she had any advice for future foster Mom to adoptive parents. She gave us great insight on the importance of having a good support system.

Even though things went really smoothly in general with my son, they were definitely times that I freaked out about whether I could be a good parent to him. It was a huge adjustment in my life and I have really high standards for myself as a caregiver so I was too hard on myself and felt overwhelmed in the first few months.

My support system was so important during those times. My sister had to talk me down on days that I felt racked with anxiety about not being able to do or be enough for him. So my advice is to really make sure you have a good support system when you use it because they will always be days when you question everything.

In Conclusion

In conclusion, we want to thank Lucille for sharing how she went from a single foster Mom to forever Mom. We are honored to help share this beautiful story about family and love.

For those interested in adoption, please check out our Adoption Calculator here for more information on cost by adoption type and state.

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